school sucks

Today I had to go back to school. It was not as awful as I thought it'd be, but I'm dreading the two major projects I have due a week from today. At least I've started them.
I am really lonely. I don't mean that I'm lonely at school, but I just feel... I dont know. By myself. I dont know if anyone can truly relate to me. Maybe my brain works differently than everyone's here. It pisses me off that I have to stay in this town for 5 more years. Its bad enough that I have to make it through senior year, but I cant stand the thought of being here for college. If it wasn't so cheap, I'd jump at the opportunity. But unless some school really wants me or I get some financial aid, It looks like I'm stuck here. I'm sitting here drinking my green tea, wondering why the splenda I put in it didnt desolve. Its just sitting at the bottom, and my tea is definately not sweet. Life just seems to happen that way, at least for me.
Here's who I am- I'm the girl who has a pretty good life, but always wants something different. I'm getting better at appreciating what I have, but I still cant shake the yearning to be somewhere new. I wonder what its like for someone else who lives in a completely different place. Maybe that's why I like new kids so much. Or maybe thats why I wish I was one of those kids who could move somewhere and start over. I like the idea of that. It doesn't look like thats going to happen. I'm a generally happy person, but everyone seems to think I mope around. Probably because I don't smile all the time. I have had a hard time smiling lately. But I'm not sure if that's a bad sign... I know that doesnt make sense. But when I dont smile naturally, It helps me know who I really appreciate. The people who make me smile give me that smile that I can't wipe from my face- the one that stays on my face for a few minutes after they leave. It really makes me realize who I'm naturally happy around.
I'm too easy to trust people, but I have trust issues. Once someone does something that hurts me, I can't help but to always think of them that way. I guess its just how my mind works. Music lately fills my head. I feel like its pulsing through my veins. I want to know what all the lyrics mean. My parents both got blackberry storms. Now they've officially gotten better phones than my blackberry pearl. It kind of stinks but I'll just buy myself a nicer blackberry whenever one comes out. That sounded really snobby and stuck up. I suppose it was sort of a snobby thought. I should work on not being snobby. Nobody likes that characteristic.
I should create a new years resolution list.
I can work one by one on each task. That's my new plan.

Goodday.